Milwaukee Brewers: “Semi-Charmed Life” by Third Eye Blind
Like this catchy ‘90s classic, the Brewers’ last few seasons have been upbeat on the surface, as they have now made the playoffs in four consecutive years. Also like the song, their reality has darker undertones, as they have been bounced from October each year and are still pennant-less since 1982, with Christian Yelich falling off big-time the last two years. Let’s hope none of the Brewers are coping by doing crystal meth.
Most Poignant Lyrics (MPL): “I want something else/To get me through this/Semi-charmed kind of life, baby, baby/I want something else/I’m not listening when you say/Goodbye.”
St. Louis Cardinals: “Camisado” by Panic! at the Disco
Staying with songs that seem upbeat and catchy but have darker meanings, “Camisado” tells the story of Ryan Ross’s relationship with his abusive alcoholic father. The word “camisado” means “surprise attack at night.” Over the years, no team has seemingly surprise-attacked the league out of nowhere more than the Redbirds, with their 2021 wild-card run being the most recent example. You really can’t take these kids from the fight.
MPL: “Can’t take the kid from the fight/Take the fight from the kid/Sit back, relax, sit back, relapse again … You’re a regular decorated emergency.”
Cincinnati Reds: “Ohio is for Lovers” by Hawthorne Heights
The Ohio connection is admittedly a big part of this, but I promise there’s more. This song is about the band members leaving their girlfriends behind while going on tour, causing them to feel neglected. The Reds have come so close to completing their rebuild and reaching true contention, but they don’t appear to be trying very hard to continue this momentum. Like the girlfriends, Cincinnati fans likely feel let down and find this a tough pill to swallow. At least they know the Reds’ hearts are in Ohio.
MPL: “Hey there/I know it’s hard to feel like I don’t care at all … And I can’t make it on my own/Because my heart is in Ohio.”
Chicago Cubs: “Thnks fr the Mmrs” by Fall Out Boy
After a dramatic teardown of their championship core in 2021, Cubs fans can only thank their now-former stars for the memories as they stare a grueling rebuild in the face. All they can do is long for one more night and one more time in 2016, when Kris Bryant, Anthony Rizzo, Javier Baez, and Jon Lester were still around. While shattering the 108-year curse was cathartic and climactic, the memories could have been even greater. Not to mention, Patrick Stump sang the national anthem before Game 3 of the 2016 World Series.
MPL: “One night and one more time/Thanks for the memories, even though they weren’t so great … Been looking forward to the future/But my eyesight is going bad.”
Pittsburgh Pirates: “Longview” by Green Day
There’s a bit of personal connection with this one, as I discovered the greatness of this song live at the Hella Mega Tour, which happened to be at PNC Park (more on that coming soon). However, you can’t listen to the lyrics and tell me they don’t fit the actions of the Pirates’ leadership. A song about sitting around doing nothing, smoking weed, and masturbating all day is an excellent metaphor for the way the Bucs have been run since their modest streak of 2010s playoff appearances.
MPL: “Twiddle my thumbs just for a bit/I’m sick of all the same old shit/In a house with unlocked doors and I’m fucking lazy … I’m so damn bored, I’m going blind/And I smell like shit.”
Photo Creds:
“Semi-Charmed Life”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Semi-Charmed_Life
“Camisado”: https://weheartit.com/entry/146758181
“Ohio is for Lovers”: https://rateyourmusic.com/release/single/hawthorne-heights/ohio-is-for-lovers/
“Thnks fr the Mmrs”: https://open.spotify.com/album/6TACBRdkkYgEE8ZhDMrn6i
“Longview”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Longview_(song)