If Every MLB Team Was a Pop Punk Song: NL West

Ben Blotner

If Every MLB Team Was a Pop Punk Song: NL West

San Francisco Giants: “The Take Over, the Break’s Over” by Fall Out Boy

A lot of lyrics just work here, as does the title. With a team of old guys that everyone thought was mediocre, the Giants stormed in out of nowhere to take over the NL West, ending their break from contention. They may have seemed boring on the outside, but they certainly compensated with lots of winning. For many, their season flew under the radar; you could say they did it in the dark with smiles on their faces. Don’t you dare pretend you ever forgot about them.

Most Poignant Lyrics (MPL): “I’m boring, but overcompensate with/Headlines and flash, flash, flash photography/But don’t pretend you ever forgot about me … We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces.”

Los Angeles Dodgers: “LA Devotee” by Panic! at the Disco 

I thought of using “Wake Me Up When September Ends” here, but didn’t want to disrespect Billie Joe Armstrong’s late father. “LA Devotee” is the obvious choice, but it fits the vibe of both the city and the Dodgers. Brendon Urie described the song as a love letter to Los Angeles, and the Dodgers are one of the iconic staples that makes L.A. what it is. Like many who live in the area, they’re glitzy, glamorous, and have wealth that they’re not afraid to throw around.

MPL: “The black magic of Mulholland Drive/Swimming pools under desert skies/Drinking white wine in the blushing light/Just another LA devotee.”

San Diego Padres: “I’m Like a Lawyer With the Way I’m Always Trying to Get You Off (Me and You)” by Fall Out Boy

This beautiful, melancholy song is about two “lovers” who are not right for each other, but stay together because of superficial attraction. Despite being young, attractive, and in a place where they should be happy on paper, they still feel lonely. The Padres are young, talented, and should be great on paper, but the bottom surprisingly fell out in 2021. We’ll see if they can push the dysfunction aside and become the contenders they should be.

MPL: “Last year’s wishes are this year’s apologies … We’re the new face of failure/Prettier and younger, but not any better off.”

Colorado Rockies: “The (Shipped) Gold Standard” by Fall Out Boy

Unlike many pop-punk songs from its era, “The (Shipped) Gold Standard” preaches against self-pity and blaming one’s problems on the world. The Rockies have had a long-standing issue with the thin air of Denver, which stunts pitcher development, scares veteran hurlers away, and creates difficult adjustments for hitters. At a certain point, however, the Rockies can’t blame all their problems on the circumstances. They need to find a new way to adapt and overcome, because the humidor hasn’t worked.

MPL: “Sometimes I want to quit this all and become an accountant now/But I’m no good at math and besides, the dollar is down … You can only blame your problems on the world for so long/Before it all becomes the same old song.”

Arizona Diamondbacks: “Death Valley” by Fall Out Boy

The D-backs are somewhat geographically close to Death Valley, and both the location and the song fit their current situation. Arizona is at a low, dry point in its franchise history, a trough between its last strong season in 2017 and whenever the next one may come. The awkward friends-with-benefits relationship described in the song fits the purgatory the D-backs lived in for a few years, halfway between contention and pretense. Now, they’ve reached the bottom of the valley.

I hope y’all enjoyed this project. If you liked it, feel free to comment with any ideas for something similar I could do. Also, follow me on Twitter at @BaseballEmoKid if you haven’t already!

Photo Creds:

“The Take Over, the Break’s Over”: https://genius.com/2011806

“LA Devotee”: https://www.filmaffinity.com/us/film405353.html

“I’m Like a Lawyer With the Way I’m Always Trying to Get You Off (Me and You)”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27m_Like_a_Lawyer_with_the_Way_I%27m_Always_Trying_to_Get_You_Off_(Me_%26_You)

“The (Shipped) Gold Standard”: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/73605775138879034/

“Death Valley”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX50r4WRmRw