Umpires And Eyeliner

Those who know me well will say, “This is the most Ben Blotner series of articles that will ever be written.”

Tampa Bay Rays: “Young and Menace” by Fall Out Boy

The Rays are new-age, unconventional, experimental, and not everyone likes the way they do things. This polarizing Fall Out Boy track is new-age, unconventional, experimental, and not everyone likes it. However, the Rays play great baseball and the song sounds great, in my opinion. Also, some of the Rays’ newer stars like Wander Franco and Randy Arozarena can certainly be considered “Young and Menace.”

Most Poignant Lyrics (MPL): “We’ve gone way too fast for way too long/And we were never supposed to make it half this far.”

Boston Red Sox: “Thriller” by Fall Out Boy

The lesser known song entitled “Thriller” is all about Fall Out Boy’s rise to success and thanking the fans for sticking with them through thick and thin. Red Sox fans can relate, as I am one of them. We lived through a couple of difficult years, including a miserable 2020, but the boys are back and as exciting as ever. I’m happy to have stuck around, and I’m happy to draw a parallel between my favorite team and my favorite band.

MPL: “Last summer we took threes across the board/But by fall, we were a cover story, ‘Now in stores!’”

New York Yankees: “London Beckoned Songs About Money Written by Machines” by Panic! at the Disco

This classic Panic! banger fits right in with the narrative that has surrounded the Yankees in recent years. The spotlight was on Panic! when they first burst onto the scene, putting their every action under a microscope from their record label and the media. This has perpetually been the case for the boys in the Bronx, with the media growing increasingly impatient and critical as their World Series “drought” stretches on. Also, the words “money” and “machines” definitely go with the Yankee vibe.

MPL: “Stop stalling, make a name for yourself/Boy, you better put that pen to paper, charm your way out/If you talk, you better walk, you better back your shit up/With more than good hooks when we’re all under the gun.”

Toronto Blue Jays: “The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage” by Panic! at the Disco

Staying with old Panic! songs from the A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out era, the band’s first ever track pairs nicely with the up-and-coming Blue Jays. It’s all about the group coming onto the scene and trying to make a good first impression, imploring their fans to stay with them as they know great success is in the near future. The Jays are also ready to make a splash soon with a young, talented core, perhaps winning that one extra game to get them into the postseason.

MPL: “Swear to shake it up if you swear to listen/Oh, we’re still so young, desperate for attention.”

Baltimore Orioles: “Born to Lose” by Zebrahead