Houston Astros: “Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet” by Fall Out Boy
“Headfirst Slide” tells the story of a scandalous affair between two people who are both cheating on their partners. Not only is the song about cheating, but its title references Pete Rose, the focal point of another huge baseball scandal comparable to the Astros’. If any 2017 Astros players make their way into Cooperstown, it will be thanks in part to the “bad bet” of having cheated their way to a title.
Most Poignant Lyrics (MPL): “But I will never end up like him/Behind my back I already am/Keep a calendar/This way you will always know … Does your husband know? Does he know? Does he know?”
Seattle Mariners: “Let’s Kill Tonight” by Panic! at the Disco
This spiteful song about destroying an ex’s reputation also doubles as a boisterous party anthem. The Mariners would love to get back at, and ultimately kill, the longest active playoff drought in North American sports. After coming up just short of this in 2021, they are surely ready to fulfill their goal in 2022, send the playoff drought to hell, and party hard.
MPL: “May your feet serve you well/And the rest be sent to hell … Let’s kill tonight! Kill tonight!/Show them all you’re not the ordinary type.”
Oakland Athletics: “Welcome to Paradise” by Green Day
This classic Green Day track is actually about Oakland, as Billie Joe Armstrong tells the story of his days struggling through life in the city’s worst areas and coming to see it as his home. Like young Billie Joe, the A’s have had to make themselves at home in a less-than-ideal Oakland location, as they are still somehow stuck in the monstrosity of the Coliseum (or whatever they’re calling it now). The poverty of the ghettos described in the song also reflects the franchise’s well-documented financial woes.
MPL: “I want to take you through a wasteland I like to call my home/Welcome to paradise.”
Los Angeles Angels: “7 Minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen)” by Fall Out Boy
Aside from the obvious Angels/heaven connection, the self-loathing nature of Pete Wentz’s lyrics during a difficult time in his life suits the Angels, who are in a difficult period of their franchise history. Wasting years of brilliance from Mike Trout and now Shohei Ohtani can certainly make a team want to become the desperate type. Like Pete sitting out all those dances on the wall, the Angels have now sat out seven straight October dances.
MPL: “I’ll be stuck fixated on one star/When the world is crashing down … I keep telling myself, I keep telling myself/I’m not the desperate type … Sitting out dances on the wall.”
Texas Rangers: “I’ve Got All This Ringing In My Ears but None on My Fingers” by Fall Out Boy
Yes, there are many franchises that have yet to wear a ring on their finger, but the Rangers were by far the closest out of these teams before their epic Fall Classic collapse in 2011. Because of this, the truth probably hurts worse than it does for other teams that have yet to win it all. Like the FOB boys going through endless tours while not being married yet, Rangers fans are likely burned out from the current extended rebuild without a ring to show for it yet. Maybe the free agency splurge will help.
MPL: “You’re a canary, I’m a coal mine/’Cause sorrow is just all the rage/Take one for the team/You all know what I mean … The truth hurts worse/Than anything I could bring myself to do to you.”
Photo Creds:
“Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet”:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Headfirst_Slide_into_Cooperstown_on_a_Bad_Bet
“Let’s Kill Tonight”: https://panicatthedisco.fandom.com/wiki/Let%27s_Kill_Tonight
“Welcome to Paradise”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Welcome_to_Paradise
“7 Minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen)”: https://www.pinterest.pt/amp/pin/438960294924979937/
“I’ve Got All This Ringing In My Ears and None on My Fingers”: https://coub.com/view/rpvma